On therapy

What makes therapy work

Carl Rogers, one of the founding fathers of humanistic psychology, revolutionized psychotherapy by demonstrating that, for growth and healing to happen, three conditions are largely enough. These are unconditional positive regard, empathetic understanding, and congruence, or authenticity.

A good therapist holds his clients in unconditional positive regard, accepting them as they are, without judgement. It’s not a position or a stance, but a certain state of mind that psychotherapist Ron Kurtz called loving presence.

Empathetic understanding is not just the comprehension of words, but of context — things said and not said, and, most importantly, things felt.

The therapist shows such understanding sometimes by reflecting clients’ words, sometimes by affirming their feelings, and sometimes by a timely interpretation.

Understanding is conveyed by facial expression, gesture, or breath. By sharing an association or reverie.

To understand someone empathetically means to enter into their experience.

This can happen only if the therapist is authentic, or true, both to himself and his client. He knows and shows what he feels, and doesn’t pretend.

A therapist in loving awareness relates to clients as persons, and invites them to relate to themselves similarly.

In this way, a genuine I-Thou encounter happens in the room, and you move towards healing.