On therapy

Things given and taken

The psychotherapist and author Sheldon Kopp wrote that a guru (of which a therapist is a particular case) “offers the seeker only what he already possesses, taking from him that which he never had.”

The latter category mostly includes fantasies about a happy childhood. Sadly, the one thing to be taken away is often a loving mother.

Another is an illusion of salvation: while therapy can help you grow and feel better, in the end you will still be yourself, and the human condition is full of pain and disappointments.

As for the things to be given to you (ones that you already have), Kopp invites us to look at the cast of characters in The Wizard of Oz: the brainless Scarecrow, the heartless Tin Woodman, the Cowardly Lion, and Dorothy, meek and weak.

Each of them lacks something important and begs the Wizard to give it to them. Instead of granting their wish, the Wizard sends them on a quest. It’s a hero’s journey in which each discovers that what they thought they lacked they already possess: the Scarecrow can think, the Tin Woodman can feel, and the Cowardly Lion can act despite being afraid. And Dorothy always had agency and could’ve returned home any time.

Each hero feared stepping into their power and needed someone to show them the way. As in Oz, the therapist turns out to be no wizard at all: he both gives and takes by being with the person in need.

As Freud put it, in psychotherapy the “cure is effected by love.”